Home Sweet Home

I have come to the conclusion that some kind of voodoo magic happens when I go out of town. It doesn't matter if I'm gone for 1 day or 7. I leave playing second fiddle to mom and come home with the title of Super Dad.

I don't even have to come home with presents. All I have to do is walk in the door and I'm showered with hugs and kisses followed by non-stop attention by my 7 year-old. All she wants to do is sit on my lap while we play computer games or go in the backyard with me and come up with some new game.

I've asked my wife what kind of shenanigans she pulls while I'm gone, but she denies having anything to do with the affection. I secretly think my wife convinces her to throw me a bone every once in a while since my wife gets most of the love the rest of the year.

It is for this reason that I've started early with my youngest daughter. When mommy isn't around, I practice saying "Daddy is the best" with my 1 year-old. She looks at me and makes fish faces, but I think she's becoming daddy's little girl. It's only fair. When my wife goes out of town in the future, I'll make sure my little one sends a little love her way!

They're not my sick days

It's a good thing I don't get sick often. And when I do get sick (as long as I'm not contagious) I go to work. I don't have a choice. The ironic part, though, is I have over 60 sick days piled up.

When I first started teaching 11 years ago, I was told I get 12 paid days of leave per year, and if I didn't use the 12 then they rolled over to the following year. What nobody told me, however, was how often my kids would get sick and force me to use those days to be with them.

If I took days off for me being sick, I would run out of paid leave and have to start losing money when I had to miss a day of school. If I never used a sick day or personal day, I would currently have 132 days saved up. Unfortunately, by the time my oldest daughter was 2, she had 12 ear infections in addition to the other cases of the flu, strep and pink eye. Now, as I write this AT HOME during the school day, my youngest daughter is home with a double ear infection and a 102 degree fever.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about having kids who get sick. It's just one of those things "no one told me about." I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't want my girls to be sick, but I have to admit that there is nothing sweeter than your little daughter laying her head down on your chest and looking up at you for comfort.

They knew exactly what they were doing!

The older I get, the more I understand my parents. When you're 7, "Maybe later" doesn't really have a lot of meaning. You understand the phrase, but you certainly can't grasp the full meaning or why whatever it is you are asking for can't happen right now. Now that I find myself using the same "Because I said so" and "It's too expensive" to my kids, I'm starting to understand a little bit more about my parents, and I'm realizing that there is way more meaning behind those seemingly empty responses. I've decided that what every new parent needs (besides 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep) is a dictionary of "parenting" words and phrases. There's too many to list here, but these will get you started. Besides, it's fun when you come up with your own! 

Maybe later - Your child asks you to do something like go to the park or do a puzzle together. You have every intention of doing it, but you've just got home from work and can only think about taking your shoes off and sitting down on the couch. Or, you just woke up and stumbled down the stairs and the little one cuts you off before you can get to the coffee. "Maybe later" buys you some time. You haven't said no, so you avoid any negative response from your child or spouse. Keep in mind, though, that "maybe later" translates to "yes" to a child. In child time that means you have 3 minutes until it's "later." 

  Because I said so - This one's great for a few reasons. First, your parents always used it and it frustrated you to no end. Now that you are a card carrying parent, you get to use it to frustrate your kids! Second, because you haven't given any logical reason, there's no logic that can be used to argue against your answer. "Because I said so" ends the discussion. Use this one when you don't want to do something or let your kid do something and you don't want to explain why or you can't come up with a good reason why. The problem with this apparently air-tight comeback is that at about 5 years of age, children realize that this isn't a legitimate response and won't accept it anymore. You have 5 years though! 

Because it's too expensive - How expensive is "too expensive"? That's the beauty of this one. I used it yesterday at the zoo gift shop. My daughter wanted a stuffed animal that cost $15. I can afford a $15 stuffed animal. This is evidenced by the 100 stuffed animals she has in her room. If I have to add to her collection of stuffed animals she won't play with 24 hours after I buy them for her, I'm making her get the $9 stuffed animal. Even at 7, she hasn't realized that $6 more isn't going to make that much of a difference. "Because it's too expensive" covers a wide range of uses. Your daughter wants to see Disney on Ice again, but you shudder at the thought of having to sit through it again, so a response of "I want to, but we can't because it's too expensive" keeps you from being the bad guy. It doesn't, however, keep you from all the tantrums associated with "No." There's a saying that I use from time to time, "The older I get, the smarter my parents get." This definitely applies here. These parenting comebacks are time tested and recommended by 3 out of 4 parents. Give them a try!